I should have known better
by Sonia Ravenclaw
Summary: He was so tired of the situation, of feeling like that. Of loving her in silence. He needed her to know but when he said something he didn't mean to, he thinks he might have lost the chance.


Why can't you talk to me?" she was trying so hard to understand why her partner couldn't tell her what was going on. "Deeks I'm talking to you!" she was seriously getting desperate.

"Kensi why can't you just let it go!" he shouted her, voice higher than intended.

"Because I'm your partner and I care about you! And if something is bothering you I want to know so I can help you!" She said looking straight to his face.

"You are what's bothering me Kensi. I can't keep being your partner if you keep insisting in deliberately putting yourself in danger without even considering telling me. That's not what good partner does, Kensi." He said; face so serious it surprised her.

She was in shock "Are you being serious?" she looked at him with hurt in her eyes "Are you saying that I'm a bad partner now?"

He remained silent. He didn't really mean that, but he had covered his suffering quota. He was tired of feeling like he couldn't breathe every time she was out of his sight, when he couldn't protect her. She just kept doing solo actions when he could be there with her, watching her back. He was hurt and he knew he had screwed up by saying that, but right now he didn't have strength to fix it.

"Okay then." She took her jacket and left, hurt printed all over her face, leaving OPS.

They spent the day doing paperwork and training. She didn't look at him, not even once. Sam and Callen became a little suspicious but they knew better than ask, especially if Kensi was as mad as she looked. Kensi was not an easy one when she was pissed and they all knew that. So they decided to ask Deeks. Whatever was going on should be fixed; they can't have the work done if half of the team isn't talking to each other.

"Deeks, what's up with Kensi" Callen approached him in the locker room.

"I-…" Deeks didn't really know what to say, he was still dizzy from their discussion this morning "I might have said something I am regretting like hell right now" He sat down in the bench and sighted.

Callen looked at him, feeling bad for his friend. Deeks might don't know, but Callen was very aware of the feelings that both of them had for each other.

At this point the only people that don't know Deeks loves Kensi are Deeks and Kensi.

"Maybe you should tell her that. Maybe it's time for you to really talk to her. Tell her what you really want her to know. No more games." Callen patted his back.

Deeks looked up at him, confused for a moment. Then he lowered his eyes and locked them to the floor.

"Yeah. Although I don't know if it's too late for that."

"If that's the case then, what do you have to lose? You will never know if you don't try."

Callen left the room leaving Deeks alone with his thoughts.

It was almost time for them to leave and Deeks was finishing some paperwork, he couldn't concentrate though. Kensi was sitting in her desk trying her best not to look at him. About ten minutes later she stood up and put her jacket on. She was ready to leave.

Deeks stood up and when she looked at him, almost waiting for him so say something; anything, he froze. He didn't think he could do it. Kensi, with disappointment and hurt in her eyes, turned around, leaving him behind.

When she was walking down the hallway to leave, his mind started to fill with thoughts of his life without her, couldn't keep it to himself anymore, not if it was going to cost their partnership.

"I love you" It came out so easily, so clear. He had been wanting to tell her for so long that it felt liberating.

She froze. And after what felt like an eternity to him, she turned around to face him, shock all over her face. "What did you just say?"

He looked at her right into her eyes "I love you" he took a few steps next to her "I have been loving you for a long, long time now"

She was shocked and confused, but the heat of their discussion still lingered in her.

"Seriously Deeks? Can't you think of anything better to get yourself out of this?"

He was looking at her with a hurt look. "I'm being serious here Kensi"

She ironically laughed trying to hide the fact that she was terrified of her own feelings at this moment. "I can't do this right now Deeks. You are tired and I am pissed. Let's not say things we will both regret in the morning."

Her intentions of leaving were stopped when Deeks took her hand.

"Seriously Kensi? You seriously think I would joke about something like this? Six years I have been by your side; six years of slowly and painfully falling in love with you. I have tried so hard to stop this, I have tried to convince myself this wasn't happening, because you are my partner and I knew everything would change. I've stayed right here when you risked your life, over and over again feeling like my heart was breaking into pieces every time you were in danger. I can't lie to myself anymore; I won't. Because the reality here-" he took a step towards her, and took both of her hands "The reality is that I love you with every cell of my body. I am so in love with that it was driving me crazy not to tell you."

Kensi didn't say a word; she was looking at him straight into his eyes and holding his hands tight with hers. She was speechless for the first time in a long, long time.

She would be lying if she said that she didn't feel the same way about him. That she hadn't spent so many sleepless nights thinking about him, or how heartbroken she was after he was tortured. When he said he needed to be away from her. When he kissed other women. The list goes on and on. She wanted to say something but honestly, she couldn't. So she did the only thing that could help her express how she was feeling.

She kissed him.

Kensi cupped his face and kissed him with need. That kiss was her way to express all the fear, the pain and the affection. It was filled with love and such passion that overwhelmed him.

It took a moment before Deeks reacted, but as soon he was aware of the fact that Kensi was kissing him, he grabbed her waist, bringing her even closer and deepened the kiss.

Oh how long he's been waiting for this.

After what felt like an eternity they separated due to the lack of air, both of them panting, cheeks red, faces filled with amusement.

They both remained silent while looking at each other right into their eyes.

"Kensi?" Deeks didn't think he could say anything coherent right now so he kind of questioned his partner's actions. He was quite confused.

She looked down to their feet and when she raised her face silent tears were falling from her eyes. Before Deeks could say anything she spoke.

"I am sorry" she said earnestly "I never meant to do you harm, Deeks" She lowered her gaze again and focused it in his chest.

"I am sorry for being so difficult, and for always trying to push you away, but I just couldn't help it. Because the truth is that I-...-" her voice broke "I am so scared to love you Deeks that I can barely breathe. I am so afraid to let you in my heart. I have never felt anything this strong and that scares me" she smiled a little as more tears began to fall down "I'm not sure I could survive if anything happened to you and I thought that if I pushed you away it would fade, but I only hurt both of us in the process and it only made me need you even more"

Before she could even finish, he pulled her in a hug, holding her so close to his heart. She was sobbing and it made his heart break a little.

He should have known. He should have thought about her fears and how her dad's death and Jack's departure truly marked her. God, he should have known better than to blame her of being a bad partner just a few hours ago. He honestly doesn't know why he even said that because god knows that's not true.

"I'm so sorry I called you a bad partner. You have to know I don't think that, not at all. Because you are the best partner I could have asked for."

She pulled away a little bit from his chest and locked her eyes with his. She kissed him again, but this time it was calmer. It didn't have the need or that mix of emotions it had before.

No, this was more of a statement. That she was facing her fears for him. For them. Because she wanted this as much as him. She needed him.

She was going to try, and he didn't think he could love her anymore.

Little did he know he was healing her heart bit by bit.

"All in?" he asked in low voice, Kensi still in her arms, resting her head in his chest.

"All in" she whispered.


End file.
